


Facing Fears

by Warpony



Series: Feral Echoes [25]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Campaign 1 Meets Campaign 2, Deastock, Fear, Gen, M/M, Past Trauma/PTSD, past enslavement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warpony/pseuds/Warpony
Summary: "...'M sorry..." The fighter hummed."Don't, Brunny. Its okay to be scared. We all get scared. Fjord gets scared alot." The monk reassured, behind her Fjord grumbled a little under his breath.
Relationships: Verin Thelyss/Original Character(s)
Series: Feral Echoes [25]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711534
Kudos: 19





	Facing Fears

There's plenty in the world that Brunnera feels a scattering of fear for; he'd been afraid most of his life considered all his youth and young adulthood in the colosseum and enslaved to the String as a gladiator. He knew that a creature wasn't lesser or weak for having fear. Fear often kept a combatant alive long after they would have gone down.

Fear and rage were two sides of a coin in Brunnera's opinion and experience.

It was drowning in that fear that was the trouble; the fighter himself knew his greatest fears were of the more abstract kind. Losing his family, the Nein. Being taken back to the String. Losing Verin.

Nightmares that had no real purchase in his life, just niggling terrors in the back of his mind that would never take true root as long as he had them next to him.

And despite the weight of the Demarcate collar locked around his neck he knew he was too strong now for the String to take him back even if they did find him. He wasn't a babe in the snowy mountains to be ripped from the arms of his dead mother. Not like before. And he had the Nein at his back. That ws a fight that if it came... _when_ it came... Brunnera would sunder the String.

But in the physical there wasn't much that made Brunnera's fear truly notable without some influence of the arcane.

Barring the exception of clockwork...

Science, as it were, was steadily taking root in Wildemount. All the longer lived races agreed that humans and those of mixed human blood were tenacious and ingenuitive in ways that rare few other species were. The engines of war that had occupied many of the brightest burning minds for the last few decades finally found themselves freed to create and design and pursue flights of fancy enmasse when only few had the luxury before. It was rapidly filling the world with new age wonders and grand dreams.

And, as Essek had suggested, the search for relics of the Arcanum was sparking to life.

Brunnera had a much different experience with the mechanical and automated.

He'd not been there in Hupperdook when the Nein had faced off with the Clockwork Warden. Nor there when they had fought with adamantine golems in the Happy Fun Ball. Though when he heard the stories, no matter who or when it was told, it sent him shuddering and shivering. He'd never even seen Willi, the little creature Caleb mentioned sometimes with a fond look in his eye but the thought of even the miniature machine trundling around made his fur stand on end and his stomach roil. While with the Nein he hadn't seen an automaton yet.

But Brunnera knew the kinds of creatures they spoke about.

The String had gotten one of those clockwork creatures just before Brunnera had managed to slip his chains and escape. An automaton. A warrior made of gears and armor plating, flooded within by some arcane force that drove them ever forwards. They needed no rest, no food, no water. They felt no empathy and no mercy and no exhaustion. Brunnera had seen the aftermath if that metal warrior in the pits. Watching the vivisected and eviscerated carcasses of gladiators and beasts that had rarely or never fallen before. Their insides ripped out and dragging in the sand like the offal of a gutted deer.

The String had loved their automaton and gleefully fed the living fighters to it like meat in a grinder. Brunnera had watched the atrocity in a fight while waiting his own turn once. Watched the thing butcher a dragonborn. Watched blood spill and sizzle off its heated metal hide as it severed the dragonborn's spine then systematically shred the gladiator apart until he was unrecognizable as a dragonborn at all. It had rattled Brunnera in a way that he hadn't been shaken before even in those terrible days of pain and starvation.

He'd witnessed his own inescapable fate. They would feed him to that machine the moment they saw fit. Brunnera had watched his own death.

Luck. Fate. Devine intervention. Whatever it had been had put the fight with a Kryn drow mere days before his turn with the automaton and the fighter had managed to slip to freedom in the revelry that blood bought.

Brunnera cared only to live out his days without finding himself opposing such an atrocity. He knew his luck would run it's course eventually but he hoped anyways. If for nothing else but to comfort himself. He put the thoughts out of his mind. The rarity of such things still intact that the Nein had yet to hear of nor see such a creature in the wild since Hupperdook.

Verin's submission for retirement had yet to be reviewed and the Taskhand was dutifully stationed in Bazzoxan with only a few letters to pass between them and Jester's messages for reassurance. The research on the Arcanum sites still unfinished but the Nein, and surprisingly Essek, were starting to feel restless and itching for sunlight.

They thought about starting off in Trostenwald where it had all begun. Or Alfield where they had first been called 'heroes' and hoped to find Bryce Feelid alive and well and returned to their post. Caduceus, Brunnera and Essek had not been there with them in those days and thoughts of Mollymauk passed through the party before they decided someplace they had not been before might be more fitting.

Deastok seemed a simple enough choice, at the edge of the Zemnian Fields. Caleb spoke the language and Brunnera knew about as much as Essek at the point. And it would be easy enough for Essek to disguise himself if they felt the need. It was supposedly a fairly quaint place. Once they'd made it to the village they split off to put their ear to the ground for a job. Something with a monster preferably, tinged with the fondness of nostalgia.

Brunnera broke off with Beau and Yasha, headed towards the city center for Beau to throw her Expositor position around a bit with the city officials.

The rest of the Nein had briefly split gather a few supplies and gossip before reconvening at a local watering hole to wait for the fighter, monk and barbarian to return. Jester shot off a quick message to Beau, letting them know where to meet them. The town was beginning to look like a bust when they were approach by a mishmash team that rivaled their own oddity. Led by the golden and gilded man that introduced himself enthusiastically as Sir Taryon Darrington and the Darrington Brigade of Adventurers.

The Nein certainly had not expected Deastok to have its own band of intrepid adventures headquartered there.

They had managed to endear themselves to Darrington rather quickly when Caleb recalled the book Pumat Sol had been reading many months ago.

Any sense of rivalry or territorialism disappeared and Fjord, Caduceus, Jester, Veth, Caleb and Essek found themselves beset on by the Brigade and their stories of local heroism. The Nein couldn't help listening with genuine attention when Darrington boasted that his intrepid band of heroes had been together for the better part of a decade.

Considering the dynamic of an ogre, a one-woman band, a feral halfling, an ex-mobster and a... owlbear man... made together it was worth listening to. It gave the Nein a bit of hope for their own team's future. That maybe they could all... just stay together.

Darrington himself promised a more thorough rendition when their party stenographer Doty returned and insisted they all keep company together until then.

The Nein didn't argue, they still were waiting for Beau, Brunnera and Yasha. Darrington's enthusiasm and daring-do attitude took a bit for the Nein start relaxing around and starting to subtly tease and goad him a bit. Even Caleb’s well hidden mischievous streak started to show.

It didn't take long for Beau, Yasha and Brunnera to strike out. The Brigade had done a fine job of keeping Deastok neat and tidy. It was rounding out to be a real bust. Beau of course already stamped out the idea of heading north to Kamordah. Maybe a jump to Pride's Call was the next option to offer the group to vote on.

The trio spotted the tavern and as they passed a large window they spotted Jester leaping up, waving wildly at them and bounding out to meet them in the street with the rest of the Nein and Darrington and his Brigade on her heels. She danced up to them, excitedly sing-songing everything they'd learned from Darrington and his Brigade.

Brunnera started to bend to settle down and listen to her then the whining and whirling of gears and thundering, rushed steps made both parties turn to look up the street.

A golden armored automaton was all but sprinting towards them. Its movements the tight coil and snap of mechanical action; precise in a way that mortal flesh could never be.

A sick, all-consuming horror filled Brunnera. Ripping his air away and stopping his heart. He might have fainted if fear had not frozen every muscle and joint in place. He choked sucking a breath in a terrified whimper. The world turned white and sound muffled as if his ears were full of fabric. Every thought and conscious idea fled him and all that was left was pure, primal instinct. Flight. Get away. Run. _**Run.**_

The fighter stumbled back a terrified step and collided with something solid and immoveable. Yasha. _Yasha. The Nein. His family._

No. He couldn’t take flight. No matter how afraid he was. Brunnera could hardly breathe through his terror but he stood his ground; his whole body shivering and fur standing on end.

It was still coming. Coming right at them. The automaton wasn’t stopping.

Brunnera jerked into action, he needed something to throw. Distance. Distance was the only lifeline he had to cling to. He lurched like a puppet with half its strings broken, practically ripping the handaxe from Jester’s belt. He vaguely registered her yelp of surprise.

“RUN!” He barked, voice cracking with his fear. He scraped the blade across the runes on his cuff. The strike of metal hitting metal sparked and crackled with runic lightening as _Thutvli_ flared to life. Brunnera hurled the axe, crediting the strike making contact more to muscle memory than actual accuracy. The axe sank into a joint at the automaton’s neck, the blade wedging fast and unbalancing the construct. Brunnera shakily triggered the rune and pale blue lightening surged from the air all around them and from the weapon itself. 

The automaton lurched, jerking violently as runic lightening surged through its body and frame, ripping at the arcane core of the construct. 

Brunnera barely registered the shouting going on. He shoved at the bodies around him, trying to push the Nein away, barking at them to run and looking back towards the automaton. He watched in sinking terror as the metal creature jerkily wrenched the axe from its neck and lifted a hand towards Brunnera, a low clicking sound and a puff of acidic smoke echoed in the street before a ball of metal plunged itself into Brunnera's shoulder. It burned and bit into him like poison and fire. The fighter choked on his sound of pain, staggering and feeling full panic as the automaton started forwards again, gripping the hand axe and moving faster towards him. 

" _Schleppend!_ "

The blurry whirlwind of fear and jerky motions that Brunnera's world devolved to slowed suddenly to nearly a stop. He felt suddenly as if he was submerged in thick, mud and could hardly move. The fighter could feel his heart thundering violently in his chest.

He'd never felt this spell but he recognized it. Slow. The sugary scent of molasses catching in his nose. Even his mind felt sluggish and his fear a bit tempered without the sharpness of the world to feed it. He blinked and tilted his head slowly until he could see a bit around him. 

He saw Caleb, hand up and extended, his eyes changed from blue and glowing arcane molten red and gold. 

Next to him was Essek, a hand up and extended but not towards Brunnera. His elvish illusory visage unwavering.

He looked across and saw the automaton was equally locked in a spell, it's movements sluggish and dragged down by the arcane so that it was no longer charging towards him. Towards them. 

In his jumbled mind it was just a moment of stolen time. A chance to get away and break free. He turned his head slowly, painfully slowly, back towards the Nein. 

His jaw already working to try and speak. He came face to face with Caduceus, feeling the grave cleric give him a gentle thump with his knuckles on his forehead, right between his eyebrows. 

It was a feeling like a raw egg being cracked on his head and trickling over his skin. With it came a muffled calm and senrenity, flooding over his mind like cold water on hot coals. Brunnera felt suddenly very far away from his fear, and honestly all his other emotions and he blinked lazily. He barely registered Caleb dropping the Slow spell but he did feel his joints go slack and he sank to sit on the floor. His body lax and loose. 

"That's slown him down a bit." Caduceus hummed, already moving around to check the injury in his shoulder. Brunnera was even removed from the burning that radiated from it, only an ear twitching unhappily as Caduceus poked a bit at it.

"What the fuck just happened!?" Beau barked. 

"I'll tell ya what the fuck just happened! Your big furball just attacked Doty!" Damian Vadoma snapped in her thickly accented voice.

"There has to be a reason. He's never just attacked anyone like that before." Yasha’s calm but steady voice came from somewhere out of his peripheral but Brunnera felt his shield-sister’s hand settle on his uninjured shoulder. It just made the calming chilly feeling all through his body and mind settle even more. 

"He was so scared, you guys." Jester said softly. "Didn't you all see? His face? And he was begging us to run..."

A soft murmur went up around the Nein and the strangers. 

"Scared? He's never even met Doty before! Doty's absolutely wonderful company!" Darrington scoffed, his eyes darting worriedly to his Slowed construct. "And I would appreciate it if you would remove your spell immediately."

"Not just yet." Essek said calmly. His voice didn't quite match his glamour, at least not in the Nein's opinion. The nearly chocolate colored skin, pale hair and dark eyes were close to Essek's true form but just off enough that the Nein still looked at him twice when he spoke. "Not until we are clear on what happened and why." 

"Well." Darrington tilted his head up hautily. "Then just go on and ask the big galoot." 

The Nein looked between each other and Beau approached Brunnera, squatting on her heels next to him. The fighter certainly felt drugged by Caduceus' spell. He could understand Beau's reaction to it back in Nicodranas now. 

"Brunny... what happened? You got really scared just now because of that machine. Doty, I guess. We can all tell-"

"...'M sorry..." The fighter hummed. 

"Don't, Brunny. Its okay to be scared. We all get scared. Fjord gets scared alot." The monk reassured, behind her Fjord grumbled a little under his breath. "Are you still scared?"

"... It's... hard to tell... it's fuzzy..." 

"I might have over did it a little on the Calm Emotions spell." Caduceus admitted, gently nuding Brunnera's clothes aside to pour a little water over the wound. He recognized it from when Veth had shot Beau in the rear during a tree climbing race. A bullet wound. 

"Why, Brunny?" Beau pressed gently. "Why are you so scared of that thing?"

"... 'S a monster... the String had one... it'd eat everything... make meat 'n bone mulch... I saw it... nothing could b-... b-beat it... it _ate everyone_... it was gonna eat me, too..." Brunnera muttered sluggishly. 

The Nein glanced worriedly as each other. Jester squeezed in next to Brunnera, hugging him lightly around his throat. 

"... can't fight 'em... gotta run... it was coming and Essek stopped it... we need to run... it'll eat us, too..." Brunnera shivered and winced as Caduceus managed to carefully dig out the metal ball from his shoulder, tucking it away before flushing the wound again and pressing a healing spell to the puncture. One of Brunnera's arms wrapped around Jester in return. 

The Nein glanced between each other. Beau nodded to Essek. The disguised drow looked towards Darrington and the rest of the Brigade. "Command your construct to stay well back. Or I will crush him easier than a tin bucket."

"Essek... we try not to threaten people we are attempting to be friends with." Caleb told him quietly. 

The Shadowhand’s lips pursed a bit, "Please." 

"A bit better."

"Thank you, Caleb." Essek replied, a bare hint of a smile across his lips. 

"Very well." Darrington said, marching down the street a bit, waiting until Essek broke his Slow spell, gently took the handaxe from Doty and gave the construct a few muttered instructions as he worriedly checked over the damage done by the axe and Brunnera's lightening before marching back. 

Doty dutifully stayed put in the road behind him as he came back. 

When he returned Darrington held the axe out and Fjord took it with a soft thanks. 

"Now. An explanation?" Darrington demanded. 

"Sir Taryon." Fjord moved deliberately to stand a bit between the rest of the Nein and the Brigade. "... Brunnera has a bit of a rough past-"

"Many have rough pasts. Its hardly is an excuse." Darrington crossed his arms tightly over his chest. 

"Rougher than most." Caduceus hummed, seeming to casually push the blue scarf up a bit from Brunnera's neck and briefly revealing the shiny black Demarcate collar for the Brigade to see as he readjusted the fighter's clothes once the wound was neatly knitted together. For a moment Darrington's face dropped then seemed to collect himself again. 

"-Exactly. So trust us when we say that he has seen many things. For him to react like this.. well... it isn't something we'd dare apologize for." Fjord said firmly. 

Brunnera sluggishly looked up towards Fjord, ears a bit lopsided as they cocked forwards. 

The Brigade stared at the Wildmother paladin in shock. All but Darrington, his head was cocked curiously. He gave a jerk of his head, urging Fjord to continue. 

Fjord puffed up a bit in the way he did when he got protective of the party, "Brunnera can't help what he's afraid of, especially not something like this from his past. He can't just... get over it. Its not that easy. He just got surprised with his biggest fear and he did the only thing he felt he could to try and save all of us and himself. I'm proud of him. He must've wanted to run so badly but he was going to try and stay and fight and give all of us a chance to get away. Even all of you and you're strangers to him. He didn't know Doty belonged to any of you or that he was friendly. He did what he had to and stood his ground even when he was terrified. Thats not something he or any of us will ever apologize for."

As Fjord spoke Darrington's face slowly broke into a smile. Not one of the glamorous bravado grins. But a real genuine smile of understanding. Even the rest of the Brigade around him seemed to relax. 

"Well said Mr.Fjord. Very well said. I'll have to make sure to have Doty take it fown later. No apology needed _but_ there is the matter of the repairs to my mechanical man."

The Nein grimaced a little, looking at one another.

"So," Darrington's smile turned a bit devilish, "Before you leave Deastok for good, how many signed copies of my book would you lot like to purchase?"

**Author's Note:**

> I promise I really wanted to post this before Thursday but time wasn't on my side. 
> 
> SO in the a hiatus I decided to catch up on Campaign 1: Vox Machina. And I just got to the point of meeting Taryon Darrington and I adore him. This installment takes place 10 years or so post the Darrington Brigade one-shot but it was super fun to write and when I decided to really establish automatons/robots as Brunnera's big fear it gave me a good excuse to bring Tary and Doty around. 
> 
> On the subject of fear and PTSD I have first hand experience with individuals who truly suffer the effects of trauma and some of the fears that come with it. Just as Fjord said fears like that can't just be gotten over or ignored. And its something that all to often those who are suffering these fears and effects feel shame for and have to apologize for. A person can't help that something so horrible happened to them that when faced with those fears it cripples them, they shouldn't have to ever apologize for that. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this mix of levity and trauma. Thank you so much for yiur time!


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